Andhkaar

Kehne ko to main logo se milta hoon — hasta hoon, bolta hoon, phir bhi mere andar ek puri duniya chupi baithi hai. Ye duniya sirf mere khwabon ki nahi, balki un benaam armaanon, adhoore jazbaaton aur un lamhon ki meethi khamoshi se bani hai, jo maine kabhi kisi se bayaan nahi ki. Log meri muskurahat ko dekh kar samajh lete hain ki meri zindagi sadharan hai; par unko kya pata, us muskurahat ke peechhe ek gehra sa samandar hai jismein mere khayal doobte-ubharte rehte hain.

Din ke ujale mein main apne aap ko ek aam shakhs ke roop mein pesh karta hoon — sabko sukoon dene wala chehra, baatein karne wala saathi. Magar raat jab aati hai, sheher ki roshniyan dheemi pad jaati hain, tab main apni adhuri duniya se milta hoon. Wahan har khwab ek kahani ban kar mere saamne aata hai; kuch kahaniyan hasi se bhari hoti hain, kuch aansuon se khamosh. Main aksar sochta hoon ki agar main in kahaniyon ko kisi ko bata doon, shayad mujhe halka sa rahat mil jaye — magar alfaaz kabhi kabhi bekaar padh jaate hain, aur main chup rehna hi behtar samajhta hoon.

Jo log mujhe jaante hain, woh bhi mujhe poori tarah nahi jaante. Main unke liye ek roozmarra ka chehra hoon — subah se shaam tak ka ek aadat, ek routine. Par mere andar ek naya subah bhi basti hai, jo bas mere intezaar mein hai: woh khwab jo darwaze par khade hain aur kehte hain, “jab tu tayyar hoga, hum chal denge.”

Bhale hi mushkil waqt mein kai log mera saath na de paaye hon, par kuch doston ne hamesha mera saath diya. Un doston ki wafadari aur unka saath meri zindagi ka ek roshan kona hai, jise main kabhi nahi bhoolunga. Unke saath ke dam par hi main aage badh paata hoon, har kadam par unka shukriya mehsoos karta hoon. Unke bina shayad main apni is duniya ke raaste tak bhi nahi paata.

Aur phir bhi, ek sach hai jo main apne dil se nahi chhupa sakta — jo mai abhi kar raha hoon, main jaanta hoon ki wo galat hai, par fir bhi main apne mann ko hta nahi paa raha hoon. Har baar jab mai khud ko rokne ki koshish karta hoon, mera dil kisi aur raaste ki taraf khinchta hai. Shayad yahi mera junoon hai, ya shayad meri kamzori, par yehi sach hai jo main apni adhuri duniya ke saath jhelta hoon.

Aur isi khamosh vaade ke saath main khud se ek pakka iraada karta hoon — ek wada jo har us pal ko roshan karega, jab main thak kar gir bhi jaun. Main khud se wada karta hoon ki main apne saare khwab poore karunga. Chahe raaste mushkil hon, log samajh na paayein, ya raaten lambee hon — yeh wada mera hai, mera imaan hai. Aur jab woh din aayega, jab main apne khwabon ko haqiqat banata dekhunga, toh samajh jaunga ki woh duniya jo kabhi chup thi, usne bas mera intezaar kiya tha.

✶ Fahmad